How To Not Feel Like a Sh!t Mum This Christmas
10 things you can absolutely half-arse without losing any of the magic
Ahh December…
The month of magical merriment, twinkly jingly sparkliness…and epic mum guilt.
You’re meant to remember everything, plan everything, book everything, attend everything, buy everything, wrap everything, anticipate everyone’s feelings, manage everyone’s excitement, and still somehow look like you’re enjoying yourself.
Feeling overwhelmed doesn’t mean you’re bad at this. It means the expectations are ridiculous.
But the good news is: there are a lot of things you can let go of, without anyone really noticing!
Things We Think Matter (but mostly don’t) VS Things That Matter More Than We Realise
There’s a whole category of Christmas things that feel crucial… until you step back and realise they’re mainly stressful props.
Things like:
Perfect decorations
Matching outfits
A smooth, perfectly timed Christmas Day schedule
A fridge bursting with gourmet delights
A spotless house before guests arrive
Making everything look “special enough” for photos
Getting every moment right the first time
None of these things are bad. If you have the time and energy to do them and they make you feel good, crack on!
But none of them are the reason your kids feel safe, loved or happy either.
They’re extras, the frills - not the foundation.
The things that really matter and really make Christmas memorable are:
You being emotionally available
You laughing instead of snapping (most of the time)
You sitting down instead of constantly rushing
You being present, even if things aren’t perfect
You letting your kids see a real person, not a festive robot
Kids remember how Christmas felt.
They remember whether you were warm, kind, and mostly okay - not whether everything was put together perfectly and went totally to plan.
A calm-ish mum in a messy house beats a stressed mum in a perfect one every time.
With this in mind, here’s my helpful list of…
10 Things You Can Absolutely Half-Arse This Christmas (and no one will even notice)
Let’s be very clear: half-arsing is not failing. It’s prioritising.
Here are some things that are completely half-arseable and will hopefully release you from a lot of stress:
1. Decorations
Your whole house does not need to become a Pinterest-worthy winter wonderland. Not only does it cost a fortune to buy all the decorations, it always takes a lot longer than you think to set up and often even longer to take down. If all you have the time, budget or energy for is a tree and a vaguely festive corner, that is more than enough.
2. Elf-on-the-Shelf (or any equivalent nonsense)
If you follow me on Instagram you’ll know I’m strongly anti-elf. That’s not to say I don’t support others’ right to elf (again - if it brings you joy - crack on!)
But if you haven’t started it yet, and don’t really want to - DON’T. I never started it with my kids and they don’t miss it in the slightest.
If you have started it and aren’t enjoying it - you are allowed to quit (tell them the elf was recalled to the North Pole this year because Santa’s a bit short-staffed).
If you do it, and enjoy it to an extent, but also find it stressful - simplify it! Dangling him from a lampshade and calling it a skydive absolutely counts.
3. Homemade everything
You don’t need to bake your own Christmas cake, steam your own pudding, make stuffing or gravy from scratch or craft your own clay baubles. No one is giving out points for making your life harder than it needs to be.
4. Perfect wrapping
Nobody has ever looked back on their childhood and thought, “Mum tried her best, bless her, but it’s a shame the corners of her gift wrapping weren’t crisper, or adorned with tiny pinecones.”
I ran out of paper last year and had to patch up the last few gifts with random scraps and “fragile” tape. When it came to the frantic unwrap, no one gave a monkeys!
5. Traditions you secretly hate
If it fills you with dread every year, let it go. Traditions are meant to serve your family - not trap you.
6. Christmas cards
Your love is not measured in stamps. A thoughtful message or voice note will mean just as much and won’t leave you hunched over the table swearing at envelopes at midnight.
7. The Christmas meal
It does not need to be impressive - it needs to be edible. If that means frozen roasties, packet gravy, or even a completely non-traditional meal, that’s fine.
Last year my brother and sister-in-law ordered an Indian takeaway the night before and heated it all up for their Christmas lunch! They said it was absolutely delicious and no one gave a sh!t that it wasn’t turkey!
8. Hosting
You are not obliged to host just because you “always do” or because your house is marginally bigger. Hosting is a lot of work. You are allowed to opt out if it’s causing you more stress than joy.
9. Saying yes to every invitation
You do not need to attend everything to be a good mum, partner, friend, or human. It’s okay to protect your energy.
10. Your home being “company ready” at all times
Toys on the floor, crumbs on the sofa, laundry in various states of completion - all normal. A lived-in house over the holidays usually means people are actually living in it.
A Final Bit of Permission
There is no universal standard for a “good mum at Christmas”.
No one is handing out awards.
No one is keeping score.
No child grows up ruined because their mum didn’t go all out one December.
A good mum isn’t someone who does everything.
She’s someone who keeps showing up, even when she’s tired.
And sometimes, showing up looks like:
Saying no
Letting things slide
Choosing rest over effort
Doing Christmas in a way that doesn’t break you
If you feel like you’re not doing enough this Christmas, it might be because you’re already doing more than anyone sees.
You’re allowed to do less.
You’re allowed to change things.
You’re allowed to make Christmas smaller if that makes you calmer and more present.
Your kids don’t need perfection.
They need you - mostly okay, occasionally frazzled, and still trying.
That’s the bit that actually matters.
