How To Build The Mythical “Village”
And why parenting without one feels so hard
If you’ve ever sat in the quiet of a messy living room after bedtime and wondered why parenting feels so exhausting, you’re not alone, and you’re not failing.
The truth is, humans were never meant to raise children alone.
For most of human history, parenting was a communal effort. We lived in close-knit tribes where siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends and neighbours all helped to care for children.
Babies were carried by multiple caregivers. Toddlers had siblings, cousins, other age-mates and older children to play with while the adults worked together to provide food, safety, and care.
Fast forward a few tens of thousands of years and modern life looks very different. Nowadays, many parents live far from extended family. Communities are less connected. The cultural narrative tells us we should be able to “do it all” ourselves, when we simply can’t.
The result? Exhaustion, loneliness, and the constant feeling of not measuring up.
Add in a long school holiday, when even more of our support network is taken away, and we’re put under the added pressure of “making magical memories”, and it often just intensifies the feelings of failure.
But here’s the important part…
You Are Not Failing - Our Systems Are
Parenting alone feels hard because it is hard.
Humans are wired for connection, co-operation, and shared responsibility and when we don’t have that, we’re swimming against millions of years of evolutionary history.
So if you find yourself feeling lonely, stretched too thin, or like you’re not enough, please know this isn’t a reflection of your ability as a parent.
It’s a sign that you’re trying to do something that was never meant to be done alone.
How to Create Your Own Village
While it might not be possible to recreate the exact tribal structures of the past, you can build your own support network - piece by piece.
Here are some ideas to help you find or create the “village” you deserve:
1. Reach Out, Even When It Feels Awkward
Sometimes we wait for connection to just “happen,” but modern life doesn’t make that easy. If you meet another parent at the park or at school pick-up, take the first step - swap numbers, suggest a playdate, or simply ask if they’d like to grab a coffee. Many parents are just as desperate for connection but are afraid to make the first move.
2. Find Local Parent Communities
Check Facebook groups, library story times, baby classes, or community centres. These spaces often bring together parents in the same stage of life, and repeated contact can grow into real friendships.
3. Trade Help, Not Just Small Talk
Building a village isn’t just about having people to chat with - it’s about sharing the load. Offer to watch a friend’s child for an hour in exchange for them doing the same for you. Suggest a car share arrangement with parents who live nearby. Accept help when it’s offered. Reciprocal support creates trust and strengthens bonds.
4. Get Creative With Your “Chosen Family”
Sometimes your village won’t be made of blood relatives, and that’s okay. Friends, neighbours, co-workers, and even older community members can become a vital part of your child’s life. If you do have family you can lean on, don’t be afraid to ask for help, even if that means scheduling regular visits, FaceTime story times, or planning weekends together to get some relief.
6. Remember It’s Okay To Outsource
Stop feeling guilty about getting paid childcare support! Whether it’s childminders, babysitters, nannies, nurseries or after school clubs - paid childcare often is the village we need, and it can be a lifesaver.
As well as childcare though, think about outsourcing other tasks such as grocery deliveries, cleaning or dog walking. Each little piece of time reclaimed for yourself can really help to lighten your load. Don’t forget your energy has value too.
You Deserve Support
Parenting without a village isn’t just hard - it’s unnatural.
When you feel overwhelmed, remember that nothing is “wrong” with you. You’re doing the job of many people, and it’s okay to need help.
Building a support network takes time and vulnerability, but every little connection matters. The first “hello” at a baby group, the shared laugh at school pick-up, the chat in the carpark at dance classes - these small steps can grow into something bigger.
Because while parenting alone may be possible, parenting with a village is where we thrive, just as nature intended.
Share this with a fellow parent who needs to hear it!
