Pumpkin Spice And A Side Order Of Mum Guilt
Settling into the autumn term brings relief and guilt alike. Here are 5 gentle strategies to embrace the calm and let go of “shoulds.”
September always feels like the real New Year to me.
After the chaos of the summer holidays, we crash into the new school year in a panic of mismatched socks, forgotten water bottles, and trying to keep up with the class Whatsapp.
But now, a few weeks in, the dust is starting to settle, the kids are back into their routines, the house is (mostly) quiet during the day, we can dig out the cosy “mumdigan” again (what I call my mum cardigans) and (luxury of all luxuries) drink a coffee while it’s still hot! Or better yet, a pumpkin spice latte.
But alongside the comfort of this new season comes something else: our old frenemy Mum Guilt. Because just as you start to enjoy the calm, the doubts creep in.
Did we do enough this summer?
Should we have made more memories?
Did I rely on screens too much to survive?
Why didn’t we go strawberry picking?
We should have run through some sunflower fields!
I feel like I was just cleaning up and telling them off the whole time.
That’s another one of the 18 summers gone!
Sound familiar? You’re not alone.
Summer: Reality vs. Expectation
Let’s be honest: the six-week break is less “endless family fun” and more “snack negotiations and logistical nightmares.”
You start the holidays with grand plans - playdates, garden games, craft ideas, outings, maybe even a family holiday.
By the end, you’re bribing your children with ice lollies and pleading with Netflix to babysit for another hour.
Then September arrives, and instead of congratulating yourself for keeping everyone alive and fed, you start picking apart all the things you didn’t do.
How to Enjoy Autumn Without the Guilt
So how do we lean into the cosiness of autumn, without being dragged down by those nagging doubts?
Here are five strategies that help me:
1. Reframe the Summer
Instead of obsessing over what didn’t happen, focus on the small things that did.
Maybe it was giggling over something that’s now become a family joke, a morning lie-in where everyone piled into your bed, a surprisingly peaceful walk, a water fight in the garden where everyone got involved, that BBQ where they declared your burgers “better than McDonalds” (ok I’m getting carried away now!)
It’s these “micro-moments” that kids are far more likely to remember than the big, expensive events anyway so make sure you remember them too.
2. Swap “Should” for “Did”
Catch yourself when you spiral into “I should have…” and replace it with “I did…” For example:
“I should have taken them swimming more.” → “I did de-bug, blow up, fill and deflate the paddling pool TEN times.”
“I should have taken them strawberry picking.” → “I did give them a year’s supply of berries in six weeks.”
“I should have taken more time off work.” → “I did keep them safe, busy and (mostly) happy for the whole summer.”
That’s not failure - that’s a medal-worthy achievement.
3. Remember: Boredom Is a Gift
If you worried about too much “I’m bored” this summer, remind yourself - boredom builds creativity and resilience. It’s not a sign you failed, it’s part of what helps them grow.
4. Re-Claim Your Routines
For me, one of the hardest parts of the summer holidays is the lack of routine. Systems and schedules absolutely make me feel less stressed, and losing them for six weeks really ramps up the anxiety.
Reintroducing these routines, whether it’s getting back to my fitness classes, taking hold of my nutrition again, remembering to take my supplements, getting to bed at a more reasonable hour or going out for date nights - all make me feel calmer and more in control, and a calmer Mummy is a happier Mummy!
So instead of feeling guilty about sending the kids back to school or nursery, focus on the knock-on benefits the reintroduction of those routines brings to your wellbeing and, subsequently, your family.
5. Create After-School Connection Rituals
I think one of the reasons summer can be such a struggle is because it’s so relentless. No matter how much you love your family, spending every minute of every day with anyone can be draining. Creating special bonding moments when you’re burned out is a real challenge.
The wonderful thing about the kids going back to school, is it actually gives you the opportunity and headspace you need to create more of these bonding moments (what is it they say about absence doing to the heart?)
These small, daily after-school rituals are low effort, only take 5-10 minutes, and can create really special moments of connection:
Ideas you can steal:
Snack & Chat 10: phones away, snack in a bowl (crisps absolutely count), ask two questions: “best bit?” and “trickiest bit?”
Rose / Thorn / Bud: one good thing that happened today, one hard thing and one thing you’re looking forward to.
Leaf Loop: a quick walk round the block to hunt for the crunchiest leaf, then home.
Timer Play: 10 minutes of child-led play (Lego, drawing, silly dance) and you’re done.
Tiny, consistent rituals like these quietly say “I’m here,” and they do a lot of heavy lifting against that nagging mum guilt.
Remember: Your kids don’t need a scrapbook full of picture-perfect days to have a good childhood. They need the version of you who loves them fiercely, even when you’re tired, snappy, or hiding in the car for two minutes of peace.
So grab your pumpkin spice latte, throw on that cardigan, and enjoy the season for what it is: a little calmer, a little cosier, and full of permission to breathe again.
